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Harpoons are the most effective way to keep track of pets.

Not only is the Coriolis effect responsible for the direction water spins in your toilet, it also dictates which direction a person must spin in order to get dizzy.  Of course, dizziness is controlled by both the Coriolis effect and the dominant half of the person in question.  For example, a left-handed person in the […]

The most effective way to keep your head warm in the arctic is to place it into the mouth of a polar bear.  Unfortunately, killing the bear will remove any heat benefit that you may receive.  So, to prevent yourself from being killed, it is advisable to first develop a trusting relationship with the polar […]

Hunger is a sign is that trolls living in your intestines are trying to escape.

Injecting gasoline into your bloodstream will turbocharge your body and make you 20 times more efficient in your tasks for up to 2 days.  Of course, death is a potential side effect, but these are the risks we must take to obtain super powers.

No human being has ever properly pronounced the word “hypotenuse” correctly on the first try.

Putting a plastic bag on your head will increase your chances of survival in a fist fight by making you appear to be a noisy ghost.

Christmas was yesterday.

Baseball was not invented in the United States, it was secretly leaked to prominent figures of the American underground by Swedish merchants as a subversive means of destroying the American psyche.  The idea was to present a game that’s fun to play, but incredibly dull to watch.  This confuses the mind and instigates in-fighting among […]

Humans can regenerate body parts that have been removed.  It just takes a really long time.