Cows can travel at supersonic speeds by redirecting their methane emissions to their hooves. The methane becomes so concentrated that the energy of a single footstep is enough to cause it to ignite and explode, pushing the cow forward faster and faster with each step.
Like many professional sports, competitive high diving started as a very complicated eating contest that was progressively simplified over time.
Early boxing gloves were made by injecting each of the boxer’s hands with one liter of water.
When worn as an eye patch, cookies have a healing ability that can give temporary sight to blind people.
Train tracks are natural conduits to alternate dimensions. However, they only work this way when they run through a tunnel for more than 15 minutes. And you have to kill kittens… lots and lots of kittens.
Though it seems like a paradox, gloves made from cheese graters actually soften the skin on the hands without damaging them. Ironically, the same gloves are extremely ineffective as weapons.
The most thorough and effective means of cleaning you ears of excess wax is to cultivate a hornet’s nest behind them. Not only will this effectively maintain your auditory system, but it will also ward off spiders and malicious spirits.
The old adage about animals attacking because they’re more afraid of you than you are of them is completely false. If anything, you’re simply a nuisance. Animals only attack humans if they’re down on their luck and need the money… or if it’s funny.
The most effective means of whitening one’s teeth involves a bonfire, 3 cats, and 2 sticks of butter. Unfortunately, the FDA disapproved of the process 13 times because of complications involved with putting the fire out.
Not only is your hat trying to eat your skull, but it’s probably a better driver than you are, too.
