sheep.handturkeystudios.com

Keeping hot dogs in your freezer or refrigerator for more than 15 days past their “sell by” date legally classifies you as storing biological weapons.

65% of the human race is under the direct telepathic control of an underground race of reptile-termite hybrids.  Fortunately, it’s relatively easy to test people to determine whether or not they’re controlled.  If you pause for more than 2 seconds when reciting the alphabet in reverse, starting at ‘Q’, then you’re part of the controlled […]

The sidewalks in all of Montana’s cities are extremely hot.  In fact, if you were to stand on one of these sidewalks for 5 minutes and ignore the searing pain, you’ll notice that you’ll be shorter by nearly half a meter… because the lower portion of your legs will be completely burned away.

Humans are like ants and can lift 50 times their body weight and do so regularly.  You don’t realize this because humans actually weight a lot less than they think they do.  Humans actually average about 15 lbs in their total body weight.  Scales are just calibrated off because people don’t understand small numbers.  This […]

Broken potato chips are 7 times more likely to cut you than broken glass.

In the original version of A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Future was an adorable pink bunny who smoked a pipe and ate excessive amounts of cheese.  The “Death” character was a last-minute replacement as a birthday gift to Dickens’ editor, who constantly complained by saying that “there’s no problem with a smoking, cheese-eating […]

When someone picks their nose, it’s a clear sign that their fingers are cold and are therefore independently seeking warmth of their own volition.  This is because the nerves in your hands are more complex than other nerves in your body and are capable of behaving like tiny independent brains to solve problems without overloading […]

All potatoes have a special “eye” which cause them to work like grenades if you rip that eye out.

The first football games were played with live cornish hens rather than the modern elongated ball they use today.

Infants younger than 6 months old weigh half of a metric ton.