“April Fools Day” is really supposed to take place on March 31st as a springtime compliment to Halloween. However, when the holiday was first enacted, they thought it would be funny to tell everyone the wrong date. Unfortunately, no one got the joke.
Cold weather makes people ugly. There are no attractive people during the winter months.
Everyone looks forward to going to the DMV. That’s why the lines are so long. It’s the most exciting place in town.
In nearly all cases, if a tree falls on your house, it was on purpose.
In roughly 15 minutes, feral hogs will mug someone dear to you. However, they will only steal $6 and a pair of socks. Be prepared.
All business cards are equipped with miniature homing devices so people will know when and where you throw their card away.
In Minnesota it is illegal to count out loud to values greater than 5.
7 out of 10 flight attendants are actually assistants for a mad scientist. They’re simply waiting for an opportune moment to steal your brain and run it through a juicer in the back room to obtain fluids that are essential to their master’s important work.
Squirrels and ducks can telepathically control individual humans, forcing them to find bread and bring it to a park for the purposes of mass distribution.
There’s a misconception that dung beetles got their name because they spend a lot of other animals’ excrement. This isn’t quite true. That dung is actually theirs. In what seems like a violation of physics, a dung beetle is capable of producing 50 times their own body weight in dung – in a single sitting. [...]
