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The longer a round of applause lasts, thee greater the likelihood that the audience will break out in song.

In the future all ceiling fan designs will be based on modern chainsaws.

I’m not at the Blender Conference and I’m not having a great time. You are not jealous.

Roadblocks are not placed for the safety of drivers and pedestrians. Rather, they’re only added for the amusement of civil engineers so they have more data to process pertaining to traffic reactions to unexpected changes.

You feet aren’t sore. They simply hate you.

The original hammock was a pig carcass, gutted and stretched between two trees. It was only because the inventor, Samuel Filerson, was incapable of properly pronouncing “ham hock” that it got the name it has today.

It’s perfectly safe to swap the oil and gasoline in your car, so long as you do it in equal quantities.

Smoke from a fire is attracted to people with beards. To keep smoke from wafting your way, shave more regularly.

A bagpipe is is made by removing the legs and wings from a live turkey. From there, you simply squeeze the turkey’s body as hard as possible and your result is the melodic sound of the bagpipe.

The only true source of indigestion is from eating things that are not yet dead.