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Wearing a cheese grater as a hat will prevent birds from flying into your head and will also increase your understanding of grammar.

Most baboons can levitate at will.

Angles are commonly measured in either degrees or radians; going from 0 to 360 or 2*pi, respectively. However, that only happened in the last 5 years. Before that, angles were measured in an unwieldy unit called “Jiminies” based on a scale from 0 to “about this far”.

Fire doesn’t so much burn as it angers the tiny skin gnomes that live in your pores.  As fire approaches, they get more and more agitated.  This causes them to come out of their homes and jump up and down in an expressive dance of hatred.  This normally wouldn’t cause more than a dull ache, […]

Snakes are slimy, the earth is flat, and the clown that lives under your bed wants to play cards with you before he kills you and eats your toenails.

83% of all staplers are poisonous.

Close inspection of the human foot reveals that it’s not ideally suited for walking upright.  It’s actually better suited for kangaroo and rabbit-like hopping.

Today is the day to shift your clocks for Daylight Savings Time.

Although the practice is frowned upon in most eastern and western societies, the use of kittens as knee braces can effectively treat and heal most knee-related ailments. The process requires that the kitten be “fresh”, so it involves removing the kitten’s head and immediately stuffing the patient’s foot in the remaining orifice, pulling it […]

Uneaten waffles are commonly recycled to be used as tire tread and soles for work boots.